A love lost.
What does the fate require of me?
Not only I lost someone I dearly loved, now, I also lost someone I knew for certain loved me beyond anything he hoped for. I missed my Dad.
It’s been tough for me. To be like this, in this state. I longed for someone to comfort me, but there is no one there for me. I don’t know what to do with all this mess I’m in. It’s strikingly blowing and maddeningly painful.
I tried to fight my way out of things, but it just dragged me down. J has been, well, intricately enjoying the fact that I’m not around. And those offers seems pointless. I wanted someone to be with me because they loved me, not because they ought to be, need to be and it’s like buying a gadget that looks really really good to buy.
My Dad taught me to honor people, love truly and keep your promises. I think, it’s the ones I got from him. And tell me, did it do something good for me now? I mean, look at me? Torn and broken and barely living my life to it’s extent.
I have been trying to evade the feeling that I have for J. Why? Because I think, I should like to matter. I think, I like to see my worth in the eyes of the person who’s saying he loves me. but I can’t see that. I can’t even feel that. It stings my heart that I risked it all over again to hear things that I don’t even know if it’s real.
Am I worth it?